My day

This is one of the lot pages of my secret diary. My life is very complicated then I have got very much things to write. I wish to say so many things but alway I try I get sick: funny, isn't it? Anyway nobody would listen to me. They have never cared of me. At least I can get it public, some my thinkings without any meaning completely useless...

I wish to describe one my day, just one. They all are the same, always the same ruotine. Reading that everybody would think I am an expert , living everyday the same "adventures". Then everybodywould be in mistake. I always feel like an unknown in my family, like someone with no meaning.

All the mornings before I get up I feel quite good, I can image a place where I was never born. In this place everybodywould be happy , unstressed with no problems. I open my eues and I see I'm alive, I remember all I have to do and all this thinkings make me vomit.

When I'mgoing to choose something to wear I note my wardrobe is full of terrible used clothes. The choosing is difficult because I know they are rubbish and not suitable to wear.

The braekfast time is the worst expecialy when I do it with my parents. They always discriminate me. When I meet my "friends" that they are not, they tell me I have to study more; when then I study more they tell me I schould to meet my friends. I hate their way to do this: they watch into my eyes, are angry, don't let me to say anything, pretend I listen them and always agree each other. Their eyes are cold, they watch me from height. There were times when I tried to defend myself from them but with no success. In last few months I just try to not see them.

I live far from the school then going there I can see a lot. I see dogs, families, children, all of them are happy and smiling. But when I begin to watch them better I noteit is not true, they have got the same problems of me. The happiness is just an illusion. Wanting to show the being happy is just natural. Everyone wants to show to be better than you.

At school it isn't better. Guys don't note me and the professorsseeing I wear strange and dark clothes discriminate me too. Anyway it is my last year in this school. I didn't decided what I am going to do, if keep to study (I would have to pay everything) or start to find a serious job. I already earn money as a painter, but it is not a real job.

On the evening I alway stay at home, without anybody. I spend this time in studying, painting and designing and then sewing some dark dresses.

I go bed late after have watched some horror film on my computer htat I have bought on my own.